Rebuilding the Village: Returning to Community-Based Parenting
- Kendra Smith
- May 29
- 4 min read
Let’s keep it real, y’all. We've lost the recipes. And by recipes, I mean the traditions, the
knowledge, the ways we once cared for each other. So much of it has faded into the background
as society has shifted toward individualism. But those recipes, those ways of being in
community, are not gone. They’re simply waiting to be remembered, reclaimed, and reintegrated
into our lives.
Growing up in The Bahamas, I witnessed firsthand what it meant to be raised in a village.
Neighbors were more than just the people who lived next door—they were extended family. You
could be anywhere, and someone would say, “That’s so and so’s baby/grandbaby/niece/etc!”
Everyone looked out for one another, stepping in when a child needed guidance, discipline, or
love. "All the children are ours" was not just a sentiment; it was a way of life. You didn’t have to
navigate parenting alone because support was always within reach.
This philosophy of shared caregiving has a name: alloparenting or alloparental care. Put simply,
it is the practice of people beyond biological parents contributing to the upbringing of children.
Many cultures have long embraced alloparenting as the norm, but in modern Western society,
we’ve moved away from this model, leaving parents overburdened and children missing out on
the wisdom and love of a broader community.
The traditional model of child psychology in relation to parents is called "Classical Attachment"
in which the child has a strong attachment to one figure (typically the mother). In communities
where alloparenting is the standard, attachment theory suggests that the same sort of bond is
shared between the child and multiple community members. That’s a huge advantage for both parties. The child benefits from a wide network of caregivers who provide intimate emotional support, while the parents experience a reduced burden—both emotionally and in terms of tangible resources. Thus, we create a more sustainable, nurturing environment for everyone involved. Sounds like a win to me!
The Cost of Individualism in Parenting
As a “new-ish” parent, I’m going to say the quiet part out loud—Parenting today feels very
isolating. Nuclear families are expected to function as self-contained units, with little systemic
support. Mothers, especially, are stretched thin far beyond their limits, juggling work, caregiving,
and household responsibilities with minimal help and little energy and time to fill their own cups.
The phrase "it takes a village" is widely known and regurgitated, but how many of us actually
feel like we have one?
This disconnection has consequences, too. Parents suffer from constant burnout. Children grow
up with fewer adult role models and sources of guidance. Communities feel fragmented, with
people hesitant to engage with one another beyond superficial interactions. The loss of the
village hurts everyone whether we want to admit that or not.
Reclaiming the Village: Practical Steps
I know reading all of that felt very heavy, but I do have some good news. We can rebuild. We can
return to a way of living that prioritizes collective care. Here are some practical ways we can
start:
1. Mutual Aid Networks – Participate in or start local mutual aid groups where families
can share resources, childcare, meals, or transportation. Something as simple as swapping
babysitting duties or organizing meal trains for new parents can make a huge difference.
2. Intergenerational Connections – Let’s encourage relationships between children and
elders (C’mon Grandparents! It’s your time to shine). Whether it’s through formal
programs or simply fostering connections within families and neighborhoods,
intergenerational bonds provide children with wisdom and stability while giving elders a
renewed sense of purpose.
3. Normalize Asking for Help – In many cultures, there’s stigma around needing support,
especially for mothers. Let’s actively work to remove that shame. You don’t have to be
strong all the time, so go ahead and take the cape off. Model reaching out, accepting help,
and offering it without judgment.
4. Strengthen Community Ties – I know times have changed but get to know your
neighbors. Create spaces for people to connect—potlucks, community playdates,
storytelling circles, or even informal gatherings where parents and children can support
one another.
5. Advocate for Systemic Change – While grassroots efforts are vital, we also need
policies that support communal caregiving. Paid family leave, affordable childcare, and
community-centered schools are just some of the changes that can help shift us away
from an individualistic approach to parenting. So, yea, get loud about this to the people
that hold power and don’t let up.
6. Reignite Cultural Traditions – Many of our elders/ancestors had built-in ways to care
for each other—whether through kinship networks, communal living, or shared child-
rearing responsibilities. Look to your own cultural roots for guidance on how to restore
these practices in a modern context.
The Future We Deserve
This soapbox rant wasn’t just about easing the burden on parents—it’s about creating a world
where children are deeply known, supported, and loved by an entire community. A world where
no one has to do it all alone. We are not meant to raise children in isolation and our children
deserve the generational wealth that is community and love overflowing.
So let’s remember the recipes. Let’s gather, nurture, and reclaim what was always ours: the
village.
Sound off in the comments. What’s one way you can contribute to rebuilding the village today?
Kendra Smith
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